Hey all graphic designers, artists, and all of America’s office workers united in complacency. If you are, much like the guys here, have entirely too much time on your hands or have more than one monitor on your desktop, and are tired of the sites like www.bored.com, come give us a try. Click on the ‘SlightlySick Comic’ category on our homepage and tear it up. We’re looking for funny comics, pictures, CG graphics, vector graphics, etc. Each month users will rate your files and the winner gets a t-shirt with their illistration on it. Simply go to the illistrator and you can either upload your own images or download from Flickr, then use our custom editing and design tool, it’s that easy!! If it wasn’t that easy, trust me, we wouldn’t have put it up on the website.

Cheers,
Dean of Sick U

How to Call in Sick When You Just Need a Day Off

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
Everyone needs the occasional unscheduled day of leisure. Here is how to get yours without raising suspicions at work.

Steps

Calling Method

1. Complain about fake symptoms. A day before your day-off, make hints about your flu by casually reporting about your untrue flu-like symptoms throughout the whole day to your colleagues. For example, say that your bones hurt and you feel a little sore on that day. This way, your coworkers can make the connection to your symptoms from the day before.
2. Call your boss early the next morning. Do not delay because it will cause displeasure to your boss. And also you will want to avoid you boss from labeling you as a bad employee by not informing him or her early. Moreover, if you call early, you will have a rather rough voice after waking up. This will give you some added credibility
3. Make the call a short one. Just say that you are not coming in as you are calling in sick that day. Excellent choices are severe headache or stomach ailment, as they are common. Don’t get too detailed. For instance, don’t say that you were sick at 12:34 last night or your computer was yet to be cleaned of the vomit.
4. Be prepared for a Q&A session. Is your boss nosy? Anxious about the sickness (if you work in food service, for example)? Try to imagine what kinds of questions your boss might have. Food poisoning? Contagious? Have you called a doctor? Have you taken anything? Try to have answers for these questions prepared ahead of time; otherwise you’ll be fumbling and might lose your story.
5. Get off the phone as quickly as possible; stories are told by liars. The longer you are on the phone, the better chance you have to mess something up.

Good Examples of a Sick Statement

• “Morning. I’m not going to be in today. I was up all last night sick. My stomach feels terrible.”
• “I won’t be in today, I am not feeling well.”
• “I’ve spent the last 12 hours either in bed or in the bathroom. I don’t think I should go to work today.”
• “I’m in terrible shape, and I just don’t think it would be fair to you or my co-workers (and/or customers if you’re in the retail or food industry) to come to work in this condition - I’d be pretty useless like this.”
• “I’m using a sick day today” (Usually stories are told when you are lying).
• “Hi, this is so-and-so, I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it in today. I’ve been up since 1:00 am , throwing up.”

Alternative Contact Method

1. Find alternative ways of contacting your boss. This can be calling your boss’ voice mail or SMS or even sending an e-mail rather than speaking with him or her directly. This avoids the possibility of questions and awkward advice that often trips up the caller, as well as having to make your voice sound sick. Also, get ready for what to say when the time comes. There isn’t always an option to erase and re-record your message if you mess up.

Fake Sick at Work Method

1. Act sick at work. If you really want people to believe you, go to work as per normal. Bring a can of soup with you. When there are at least three people in the room at work, hold your stomach, groan loudly, hold your mouth and then dart into the bathroom. Someone will probably come into the bathroom simply because they will get curious, so close the door and make puking sounds while dumping the soup.
2. Put on some make up. Spread some soup on your mouth, hold your stomach and come out. Either wash the soup on your mouth in the sink or if you want to be daring, come out holding your stomach with the “vomit” on your face and act dizzy.

Get Help Online

• Online sites such as Alibi Network or Novelty Excuses can help with getting a legitimate looking doctors note as well as validating it.

Tips

• If you actually ARE sick and you need to get a doctor’s note for work, ask for a “Return To Work” date which you know is longer than you’ll really need, then go back to work “early” before the note says you should return. This makes you look like a dedicated employee who uses less sick time than necessary, and is documentation that you can point to in your employment record, should your use of sick time ever be questioned in the future.
• Make the phone call to your boss whilst lying on your back - you automatically sound groggy.
• If your “affliction” sounds gross enough, your boss is more likely to want to hang up the phone and let you get on with it - diarrhea is the classic example of this. Also, if you’re female, say hesitantly, “Feminine problems.”
• If you live with a housemate or spouse, ask them (nicely) to make the phone-in-sick-call and tell them to explain you are too ill to get to the phone.
• Be sure not to use “if I feel better, I’ll try to come in after lunch.” He will know you won’t and will immediately know you’re lying.
• Do not “schedule” a sick day in advance. If your boss finds out that you let people know two weeks ago that you were going to be sick today, you could lose your job.
• Lie in bed on your back with your head over the side. Let the blood rush to your head. After a few minutes, this position makes you sound very stuffy and just not yourself.
• The day before, if you have a “real” cold and there’s a snowstorm, tell your workmates that you forgot to wear boots and consequently got a bunch of snow in your shoes and you drove home with frozen feet. Logically, you get a fever overnight.
• Go to work when you’re really sick, so your boss will not think you’re faking when you decided to play sick to get out of working. Once you’re shoved out the door a few times for being deathly ill (and infectious) at work your boss becomes thankful when you do call in sick.
• If you go to the beach on your day off, don’t forget the sunscreen. Showing up to work the next day looking like a lobster can be embarrassing, not to mention incriminating.
• If you want to get multiple days off, pick a good illness: a migraine or a bad case of gastro can get you off for two or more days, as they can carry on for a long time and pop up at any time. Pink eye and strep throat can drag on longer. Research the illness if you’re very dedicated to avoiding work. Ask friends for the symptoms of the bad (real) illnesses they’ve had over time.
• Casually mention you’ve called the doctor and are waiting to hear back with an appointment time. (Say you left a message with the service last night or with a nurse today.) During peak cold and flu seasons it may be several days before they could squeeze you in for an office visit. If work demands a note after you get back you can always say your appointment isn’t until later in the week. It gives you time to run to the doctor.

Warnings

• Be careful where you go on your sick day. If you’re caught shopping for shoes near your workplace by your co-worker or boss, you’re in trouble.
• It’s important that your boss thinks you are sick in your bed. Blaring music or a loud TV can destroy that image as thoroughly as thousands of screaming fans at a football game. If you’re outside the house, calling from your car might be the quietest place you can manage. Make sure the engine and air conditioner is turned off.
• Be sure not to overdo the sick sounds when you leave a message. Managers often forward the most ridiculous-sounding messages and you can become quite infamous among the management team.
• Be careful when using the cold as a sickness because you don’t want to show up to work the next day all clear. The cold is best used when you actually have one, but it’s just not bad enough to warrant staying home and you want to anyway. That way when you arrive the next day you still have some signs of it.
• Calling in sick without being sick is best done for one day (or possibly two days) in a row. Longer than that may require a note from your doctor.
• Don’t come back to work the next day with a suntan, pictures, stories, etc. If you share what you have done with your co-workers, they may turn on you and tell your boss. Worse, they may steal all of your good excuses.
• Do not use an excuse about someone in your family dying because the boss can find out for sure and you will be caught in a lie. This will make you less credible to your boss when someone really does die.
• Try not to call in “sick” on too many Mondays or Fridays - extended weekends tend to stick out in the minds of bosses and co-workers. Calling out on the occasional Tuesday is more credible. Also, do not make a habit of taking leave on important days like the day the team needs to work extra time to meet the deadline. This will make yourself less credible among the team and boss.
• Some phones allow you the option to “send text message later”; note that this option doesn’t always work! Don’t rely on it.
• When you first come back, move slowly, rub your eyes and be a little rumpled; this will reinforce the idea that you are a trooper, working when you feel bad, rather than a slacker.

Related wikiHows

• How to Do Nothing
• How to Fake Sick to Stay Home from School
• How to Fake an Injury
• How to Bear a Job That You Hate
• How to Deal With Girls
• How to Be Lazy Around the House

Sources and Citations

• Seasonal Absence Syndrome - 40 percent of Americans have called in sick to enjoy a summer day.

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Until we find a scholastic master, one with as much charm, whit, and esoteric sarcasam as yours truly, The Dean, or D. for short, looks like you plebites are stuck with me for Sick Days 101 @ SlightlySick University.

Just before going to work, as a sex phone operator for SlightlySick.com, you might all know me as, ‘Luvlee,’ I make sure to pour a coffee, brewed by the youngest little Colobmians I could find, while getting a manicure from a lovely Vientnamese named Charlie. It’s then that I ponder, what in the hell will I do to make this day go longer….first I think, maybe I’ll visit Manuel at the sweatshop or Cooper at the corn field….but then that just means I have to leave my house. Forget work, what the Dean wants the Dean gets….I’ll go upload my most favorite pictures of my mom, friends, close relatives, stragers I took pictures of last night…you know the usual and upload them to SlightlySick cartoon creation shop there I can f*ck with their pics, soon grandma will have a big, fat dild…I mean pickle in her hands…aww the memories.

Till then keep your SlightlySick comments to yourself.

We’ve all had those days were we just couldn’t make it to class, work, etc. This class is dedicated to slacking off. Please comment on your best methods for taking a SickDay….Full class starting soon.

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